When I started writing a book about critical thinking I jumped straight into talking about checking sources and evaluating evidence. It seemed like a practical place to start. But I soon realized that before we can get to verifying facts or questioning if our emotions are clouding our judgment, there’s something else we need to focus on.
To think critically we need the confidence and permission to admit that we don’t know something. This permission being more important now than ever, considering we live in a culture where we’re expected to know everything, always be decisive, and it feels like social suicide to change your mind.
The Defensiveness
As the creator of thought literacy, I talk about thoughts a lot. All-or-nothing thinking, shame based thoughts, the patterns that drive behavior. But nothing triggers people quite like the idea of thinking critically.
Mention overthinking and people nod. Bring up attachment styles and they’ll share experiences. But talk about critical thinking, and all of a sudden, everyone’s an expert. Thinking critically isn’t just treated as a thinking skill, it’s like a badge of honor.
This isn’t random. It comes from growing up in an environment that treats “I don’t know” as a character flaw.
We’re taught that certainty matters more than seeking understanding. A degree from a prestigious school counts more than expertise. Quick, confident answers are praised. Thoughtful uncertainty ignored or discouraged. Over time, admitting ignorance stops feeling honest. It feels like self-abandonment.
And while we admire when someone else says they don’t know something, we have this unspoken fear that if we admit not knowing suddenly the room will go quiet and multiple people will audibly gasp. Maybe a server carrying eight dinners will drop their tray in shock.
The irony being that critical thinking is built on uncertainty. It’s recognizing what you don’t know, asking questions, and creating space for new ideas.
What Fear of Critical Thinking Looks Like
Imagine you’re in a meeting or group. Someone shares an idea with confidence. The data looks strong, and everyone seems to accept it. But something just doesn’t feel right. You ask a clarifying question, not to challenge, but to understand the reasoning. Suddenly the room gets tense. Instead of focusing on the answer, you’re now focused on feeling like the person making things difficult.
Or imagine reading about a recent study that claims a major breakthrough. Within hours, people are citing it as fact. But when you glance at the study, you notice it was a tiny sample or published by someone with a financial stake in the outcome.
These are massive red flags. They should invite more questions. Instead, they change the tone of the conversation. Pointing them out gets you labeled as being on one side or the other, depending on what people assume you are trying to prove.
Or maybe you find yourself in a conversation where everyone seems certain about a political policy, work decision, or new trend. It sounds reasonable, but you don’t know enough to have a strong opinion yet. You want to speak up but admitting uncertainty feels risky. You worry about being labeled ignorant, uninformed, or part of the problem. So you stay quiet. Or worse, you nod along, pretending you already know.
Interestingly, you assume everyone else has it figured out and you’re the only one who doesn’t know. But in reality it’s likely a lot of people are thinking the same thing too. Nervous to admit they’re unsure, scared to change their mind. This illusion making your uncertainty feel even more isolating.
Giving Yourself Permission
Critical thinking isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about being willing to admit you don’t, and then taking the time and space to find out. It’s recognizing the limits of your own knowledge, updating your thinking when you learn things, staying open even when social pressure pushes you toward certainty, and not identifying yourself by any beliefs because you know things can change.
Since we’ve all been taught to appear super certain, if we want to think critically, this means we need to give ourselves permission to not know and to change our minds—not just in theory, but when uncertainty feels risky. Because without this permission, curiosity is replaced by fear, asking questions replaced by performing certainty, and belief identification and groupthink replaced by freedom of thought, growth mindsets and genuine connection.
So I named the book after the core belief we need to think critically: It’s Okay to Change Your Mind.
Critical thinking isn’t about being right first or fastest. It’s understanding, reflection, and honesty. And every time someone admits they don’t know something, they lead by example, showing others they can do the same.
Thoughts?